The Reality of Writing the Truth

If you ask me what my idea of heaven is, what I picture what it will be like after I’m gone from this world…it is one long stretch of beach and I’m running. Everything flows right, I can actually feel my heart beating and it is strong. I have air in my lungs, I take deep breaths and it feels glorious. I run, I jump, I play volleyball in the sand (it has always looked so fun)…I just can’t stop moving. That is what I see when I allow myself to think about.

IMG_5204-Edit1However, I try not to think about it to often. It’s hard to reconcile that image and what I have to feel like right now…and I have been scared to share that reality with you all.

I want to say I haven’t been writing because I have been out living life and I am too busy to sit down to write about it all, but that would be a lie.  I haven’t been able to write because I’m angry and every time I sit down to write, I have nothing inspiring to say, I just have anger and frustration for the place I’m in. I’m always thinking “Who wants to read about my anger?” and I know at some point if I complain all the time, people will stop listening. So I have stopped myself from posting all the things I have been feeling lately or the experiences I have had.

Then today I realized that this blog isn’t about some magical journey of someone living with CHD, it’s about the reality of someone fighting CHD. It is alright that I don’t always have a positive spin to every situation. I need to be able to write down everything, even if that means people choose to stop listening. My hope for this blog was always meant to share my journey, to help me deal with the reality of what is happening in my life and in the end inspire others. Somewhere along the way I started to be afraid to share the struggle and I don’t want to be that person anymore. Sometimes it feels like two totally different view points fighting within…

The bright silver lining I wanted so badly to find in every piece of writing…

IMG_22011…and the reality of what I was actually feeling.

IMG_55721

So I made a promise to myself that I am going to post at least twice a month, post the things that need to be said about CHD, to be said about my journey and not worry about my need to always find the positive. I know the more I write, the more I will start to see those positive things I need to. Maybe I will start to accept the reality of where I am and let that image of heaven inspire me instead of frustrating me.

I love you all and hope you continue to follow along with me in discovering and understanding my view from the recovery trail!

Hugs!

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10 Comments on “The Reality of Writing the Truth

  1. Thank you for sharing your adventures with us Kimmy. Love you tons and I’m glad to see you out there living life and enjoying your surroundings.

    Hugs,
    Chrystal

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww thank you sweet friend!!! Hopefully this will help me to write what needs to be written and not worry to much about it. Hope you are doing well…congrats on your writing by the way! So exciting!!! Love you bunches!!!!

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  2. I don’t remember Mom ever complaining about her aches & pains, so I’ve always felt guilty when I share how I feel with someone else. I didn’t want to be negative. I worry that noone will want to hang out with me because I’m not upbeat. When I share with Bill, I often double check that he really wants to hear about my aches & pains. It’s nice to have someone who loves you, really cares and wants to listen. I care how you feel. Thanks for sharing and being honest about how hard it is.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Grandma was one of a kind, that is for sure!! I think I always have that worry as well…but people are starting to really teach me that a support system is just that, people who you can be real with even if it’s a long period of time where you don’t always have upbeat things to say. I just have to remember that! Hopefully you do to. I love you bunches!!

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  3. Awww…I miss you Kimmie! Life isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. I’ll follow you on the dark and cloudy days too. Having a positive attitude is important… But what is more important is living a life of authenticity. You are brave to let yourself be so vulnerable and to be so willing to share it with everyone and I love and respect you for that so much!!
    You are often in my thoughts girl! Sending giant hugs and wishes of peace and comfort…if we ever get up that way and you are feeling up to it, we would love to see you! -Heather

    Liked by 1 person

    • Miss you too Heather!!! I don’t often feel brave…more like someone walking around flailing her arms and looking like a lunatic. Haha. Thanks so much for your sweet words and the invite to visit once I am back to traveling again! It would be great to see you guys. Hope you are doing well!!! Love ya!

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  4. Your photos of the beach are amazing. Are you a Pisces? No one knows what it is like to walk in your shoes. We wonder why we have been chosen to be where we are or go thru what we have to go thru. But….we know there is a bigger plan than we can see. The lives you touch with your story and life will probably never be known. But for sure for me I can say I think you are amazing. Keep your chin up and remember to take each day as it comes. I so admire your courage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww thanks so much Vicki! I am so thankful that I am back in a place with endless amount of views that comfort me and also help express how I am feeling. I am actually a Capricorn. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and support…it means the world to me!! Hugs!

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  5. Kimmie, I don’t expect you to have a positive spin so why should you? – the miraculous thing for me is that you ever have a positive thing to say. And that for me is always a lesson. Blog away – I will never stop listening.

    Big Hugs,
    Patt

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