The Lightness of Living
It’s a luxury that most people crave and it’s something that people pray to experience more. The lightness of living.
I woke up feeling tired, like most mornings and wondering what the day was going to bring. Most mornings I wake already with a deficit…it’s almost an immediate feeling of dread. “If I’m tired now, how will I survive the day?” I checked my Facebook and noticed that there was this incredible storm phenomenon happening down at the beach here in town. Yelled for dad to take me down to the beach and grabbed my gear, not knowing what I would find or what my lens would help me capture.
I had been praying for days, weeks it felt like. Praying for God to give me peace, to take away my anxiety. I have been angry at my situation and feeling weighted by everything. I had no clue when I stepped out that morning, God was going to give me something great. A moment I had been needing for quite some time.
I think a lot of adults that have been dealing with CHD their whole life, always feel the weight of living. You are introduced to things at an early age…you understand pain, you understand death, you understand the uncertainty of every moment. Over time it all becomes too heavy, you just want to seek out moments that are almost childlike…simple, light and a way to forget the chaos that rages inside your body.
I was worn that day. I had just had more medical news I was unhappy about and I felt defeated. So when I stepped out of the car and saw the most incredible winter wonderland of sea foam…well…it stopped me in my tracks. It was breathtaking.
I forgot my walking pole, I grabbed my camera and I sprinted (ok, so it was more like a walk, but it felt like a sprint) out into the thick of it. The seafoam was spilling out into the parking lot, up over the driftwood.
The wind would catch it and it would fly around like a snowstorm. I was taking pictures from every angle, the sea foam was spilling over my wellies and I was getting soaked.
Then came the moment. The tide pushed the seafoam up, a light gust of wind kicked up and suddenly I had seafoam swirling around me from every angle.
I put down my camera and I just took it all in. Here it was…the lightness of living…a tangible and physical representation of what God knew I had been constantly seeking. The kind of moment where you can’t comprehend what you are seeing. My baggage for the moment was lifted, all that weight was gone and I was just floating in this coastal sea foam winter wonderland.
I stood in my winter wonderland until my hands were too cold to hold the camera and as I watched the tide go out, I felt gratitude. For all the weighted moments that CHD brings, for all the baggage my soul feels like it has…I felt it lift for that brief moment.
The lightness of living will always be something I pursue and pray for. What this day taught me is that God will carry what I need Him too and it may not be in a conventional way…but in a magical moment, in a sea foam winter wonderland and THAT my friends is worth fighting for every day when I wake up feeling burdened.
The lightness of living was found today out on the view from the recovery trail.
Love you all!!