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Getting back out there and the power of harvest season…

Posted on October 14, 2016     2 Comments

It has been far to long since my last blog post. After 36 years of surgeries for my Congenital Heart Defects and one very traumatic hospital event, I developed (or was struck by) PTSD and so much of what made me the person I love just seemed to vanish for awhile. I have been doing […]

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Exploration and Limitations: a CHD road trip

Posted on April 3, 2016     Leave a Comment

The first thing I thought when my cousin told me he would be coming over from the east coast for a visit was pure joy! I had spent many summer traveling around with him when he was younger…I was the driver and he held the maps, we always got lost and we always had an […]

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The Exaustion of being Brave

Posted on May 19, 2015     7 Comments

So here is the hard truth, the one that I think sometimes people don’t say. Being brave, having miracle moments, beating the odds, overcoming a traumatic situation are quite possibly the most exhausting moments of your life…ahem…I’m exhausted.

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•RAGING• Truth time. There are days when the rage comes out and my emotions overflow uncontrollably. I hate CHD, I hate these pills, I hate the pain, I hate the uncertainty, I hate the loneliness, I hate that I have to worry about a failing heart. I throw things, I cry, I yell, I shake. Then I wake up the next day, continue on...always aware that the rumble of my rage is tucked away, never knowing when it will spill out again.
•STILLNESS• A morning in Maine before anyone else is up. I grab my oxygen, slowly make my way down to the lawn with my camera. The morning mist sits on the calm water, a few birds chatter and then the sun peeks out creating a breathtaking hue. Everything is still in my heart during this view from the recovery trail.
•RETURNING HOME• Summer was marked by our island retreat, it was the place I would run to with open arms. After my disease progressed, I never thought I would get a chance to see my home again. Through the help of so many family members we made it happen. I stood at the bottom of the dock, looked up and saw the sign that always welcomed me. Tears rolled down my face and I thanked the Lord that my view from the recovery trail was not over yet.
•DREAMS&REALITY COLLIDE• Sitting on the porch, from my favorite family island, the still Maine waters and watching the sunset paint me a picture. For a moment I didn’t think of pain, my fears about how bad things were getting...it was a moment that only allowed glorious dreamlike colors. I could imagine a life without CHD, be blissfully unaware that heart failure was to follow and absorb my forever dream from the porch of my favorite summer cottage. I hope this help others who may be suffering hold on to their forever dream.
I’ve been gone for awhile. My view from the recovery trail took a sharp curve when I was admitted for heart failure due to complications from my CHD. I spent an unexpected month in the hospital and have been struggling to regain control. However, I’m now to the point where I can get back to my creative side and start sharing some of the adventures I had before the epic decline. Time to get back to seeing the beauty again along the view from the recovery trail. Love you all!
Haven't been posting, haven't been taking photos and haven't felt myself. Sometimes CHD can take over every aspect of life and the wheels of life just stop. I'm trying to remind myself that even though my wheels are feeling old and worn out, they still have a function and a purpose. Finding my way back to the views from the recovery trail....
•CALMNESS• Standing in a cornfield, in the fall...for some reason it brings the feeling of calmness. You hear the wind better, you feel the rustle of the stalks and you take a long deep breath. I know there are many friends of mine that need that calmness tonight, so I'm sending this particular view from the recovery road out to them. May you find a moment of peace and calm that you need.
•CONTROL• I stood in front of a sorter as the berries flowed down. Each time a new batch came in I watched to see some berries line up perfectly and some would be in chaos, bunching together. It reminded me that there is a rare time that we are truly in control of the things and no matter how badly I want everything to line up perfectly. It is time I learn that God is the one in control and His order may look chaotic or not line up with my plans but there is still beauty in the plan if you looks closely enough.

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